07.25.2000

After San Francisco

I have become sloppy in my manner, words, actions lately. I'll blame it on San Francisco, an unchallenging job, unchallenged ideas. I'm reminded of this each time I receive a note from a particular friend. Despite the casual nature of email, his words are carefully crafted, elegant, evocative. He manages to say in a few paragraphs what few of us can articulate in a day, a night.

I forget sometimes that I used to write, used to love creating letters, used to love the ritual of envelopes, addresses, stamps. Now it's addresses of the email variety, and my writing is apt to be swiftly regurgitated posts here, or a line or two in reply.

I've turned away from the inconvenience of living here. Driving, parking, exploring. All too time consuming.

I've felt myself pulling inward for awhile. San Francisco did this to me, I think. I've turned away from the inconvenience of living here. Driving, parking, exploring. All too time consuming. I'd rather stay right here, comfortably lounging behind the keyboard, rather than enjoying the City. It's a nice place to visit, but I don't want to live here.

It's our last week here, and we're both feeling the finality of it, I think. Jason is pensive, and I'm uncertain why. Hopefully it is nothing that I've said or done. I'm guessing it's just a bout of melancholy before packing up the rest of our lives and trucking it to the simmering desert. He's certainly giving up more than I. Thirty years invested here, where I barely have one. I'm headed into familiar territory, with an established circle of friends and a comfort level with the city, the people. He is well liked by my friends, but there is a guaranteed period of adjustment.

I'm overjoyed at the house we've found to lease. The place is everything I could have hoped for right out of the gate. No pool, certainly, but that can be fixed. The place is gorgeous, spacious, with room to move and entertain. Not far from friends and the heart of the city (if Phoenix truly has a heart). It will be home soon. My home again, our home. Discipline will come back into my life. A real job, with real work. The gym. A social calendar that requires more than disco clothes and tab of E.

I can't wait.