The year 2009 will go down in my personal history as one of the worst on record, followed closely by 2008. But most of the shit in 2008 happened in November, and apart from my job imploding, the rest of that year wasn't too bad.

By contrast, I end 2009 with a great deal of uncertainty. After a stressful and protracted bankruptcy, my employer ceased to be in July, and I have been out of work for the last five months. Jason and I ended our relationship of 10 years. We parted on good terms, but there is still much there that is unresolved. I'm now dog-less. Jason took Lucy to San Francisco, where she has a much better life than she would have here. Jason takes her to work every day, she gets frequent walks and dog park visits, and the temperature is not 100+ most of the year. Oscar, our tired old blind man, finally deteriorated mentally and physically to the point where it was time to let him go. Financially, I'm pretty fucked right now. Upside down on our house, drowning in debt, and unemployed. Of the three pillars of life–work, relationship, and home–none look great right now.

But I'm optimistic for 2010, if only because it couldn't get much worse. I have a couple of good job possibilities that I'm excited about. I will be taking some positive, albeit drastic, steps on the financial front. And I'm meeting some new people and having a decent time in Phoenix at the moment. I don't know if I'm going to stay in Phoenix long term, and I'm not yet sure what I will be doing about our house. I visited San Francisco for my birthday, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt like it was a place I could live again. I've also talked about Seattle and Portland as places I'd like to live. Perhaps in the next year or so I will make one of those possibilities happen.

So, I'll be drinking tonight to the passing of 2009. It won't be missed.

Labels: 2009, newyear, nye